Tuesday, April 22, 2008

No Chance for Good-Bye

We've had some devastating news over the past couple of days but it's all part and parcel of opening our home and our hearts to adoption. Noah's grandmother took Noah with her for what was to be a weekend visit and then called us last night to say that she would not be bringing him back. She has decided to try to parent him again. He's been living with us for 8 months - since last August - and had been treated as a son and a brother. Before you get up in arms, I have to admit that we have known this could happen, although I truly did not expect it. We had no legal rights to have him here, it was simply a gentlemen's agreement between us and his grandmother. We were treating it as a foster to adopt situation and allowed ourselves to get completely immersed in growing to love him and in treating him just like one of the gang. Unfortunately, she was well within her rights to decide to terminate that agreement.

We don't agree with her decision and we especially feel cheated and manipulated in the way in which she worked it out and our struggle now is not allowing that root of bitterness to work its way into our hearts. I had no chance to say good-bye to him and my heart is breaking into a thousand pieces. I know all the pat answers to why God allows this but it is so painful to see the generations of dysfunction continue and continue when we had the opportunity to perhaps break the cycle with Noah. This is the Eastern Orthodox holy week - we will celebrate Easter this Sunday. It is a fitting time to go through this loss and suffering - this is what made our Lord weep in the garden over the suffering in the world. Sunday we will celebrate Resurrection and Redemption...

4 comments:

Patti (from FG board) said...

Oh my. I am so, so sorry. No words.

Jennifer Merkel said...

Mary,
I am so very sorry to hear about what your family is going through. It is true that these heartaches sometimes go with adoption, as you pointed out, but that doesn't make this any less painful!
You have such a generous mother's heart and such a gracious spirit. I can't imagine what you are going through, but you and yours are in my prayers. We will pray for Noah and his grandma. God Bless you all.

Laurie said...

I am so sorry! I will be praying for you all and also for Noah and his grandma. I understand your sadness...my heart still breaks everyday over losing my little Nikolai.

Anastasia Theodoridis said...

My heart goes out to you, and my prayers to your family and Noah's "other" family.

I know something of what it's like. I once had an adopted grandson, Joshua, whom I loved and still love deeply. Now his abusive biological father has taken him away and I haven't seen him these eight years...